I do believe that to attract the love you want, you have to give the love you want. I know, you’re thinking “but what if we just met?” I don’t care…be who you are going to be throughout the relationship from day one. Get rid of the thinking…I do or don’t deserve this or that…try just being loving. I am not saying to profess your love the second you meet someone, but I bet when you meet a brand new same-sex friend, you are loving and never think to make them EARN your attention or heart.
My best friend, who is blissfully married, has had to hear me grapple on and on with the modern techniques of dating that are preached, taught and sold to those who want to find love in their life. I’ve often been puzzled about why ‘experts’ are condoning to treat people worse than you would treat a friend while trying to find someone to spend your life with…it all seems a little pre-schoolish at times, and even pre-school math tells me that it just doesn’t add up. “Why men marry Bitches” is a popular book that comes to mind, which is all about maintaining the control in the relationship by acting uninterested and in my opinion, rude. There are equally disdainful books written for men about how to be pick-up artists and how to act disinterested, even to insult a woman in a teasing way so she will feel less than. I don’t believe in those techniques of course…actually, I don’t believe there is any special formula to finding love, because let’s face it, its common sense to assume that if there were some great formula to finding love then no one would ever be single again.
We are people…we are all different, the potential loves we meet are people…they are all different. The combination of two different people is intrinsically different from the last combination you were in. The good news of that is there isn’t ONE way to make someone fall in love with you. On the other hand, the bad news is there isn’t ONE way for someone to fall in love with you. But the combination of the two of you, well, that’s the good stuff and my best advice is to be who you really are from day one.
Just for example, let’s take texting rules you may have heard…to wait hours to respond to a text so you don’t seem too eager. How long do you take to respond when your best friend texts you? Now, unless you are in the middle of a work or family commitment, I’m willing to bet you respond pretty quickly and you certainly don’t wait hours past the time you COULD respond. So don’t do it to someone you are interested in having a relationship with either. Be responsive. Be kind. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Love and fear don’t co-exist. I personally believe love is worth risk…so abandon the fear and self-protection we all struggle with when we meet someone new and instead just be yourself, be authentic, and be loving. Or ask yourself…”What would love do?” This question is really universal…it will work with your kids, with your annoying co-worker, with a random stranger, with your best friend or with your over-anxious sister. It also just might lead you to and attract great love! That’s what love does.