Adeline spends her quite-long-life building systems to keep herself safe. Even though we don’t have Adeline’s aging issue (and I’m sure some of you would like to), we do the same thing in our lives. Every time we get hurt, we build in a system to protect ourselves from the same hurt next time. “I don’t do this, that or the other…I did it before and look what it got me!” Sound familiar to anyone?
In my transformation program, tackling and breaking down these stories, theories and systems, is a lot of what we are doing in the beginning. I often ask clients, how did those systems get there and how are they serving you now? Almost always, they don’t serve us at all. Sure, they protect hurt from getting in, but most often they protect love…in its depth, glory and completeness…from getting in, too.
Of course we never realize this at the time. We put on another piece of armor and then another piece and before we know…nothing is getting in there…nothing at all, not even the good stuff! We all know the bitter old codger or the woman that no one can please…they are a more extreme example of what happens if you don’t wake up at some point and realize your ‘system’ is not working anymore. Our ‘systems’ have usually done the exact opposite of what we hoped and done nothing but keep us from the things we want most in life.
As you know, eventually Adeline meets someone that makes her step back and wonder if what she is doing is really LIVING her life. Most people can have a seemingly good life…but a life without love...Is that really living?
I explain it to my clients like this: We start building rules and systems first, then we build theories based on what happens after those systems are in play. Here’s an example-"all men with beards aren’t attracted to me." (You know, because the last man I was with had one and he said at the end, he didn’t find me attractive.) Therefore, I won’t date anyone with beards ever again! So then you go through your day casting off all men with beards, you become unapproachable to them because YOU put this story in your head. Now, your theory you think you’ve proven...is that men with beards certainly don’t find you attractive because none have asked you out. You’ve created a reality where a man with a beard can’t get through your impenetrable heart to even get you to think of him any other way than an enemy. See how that works?
I know that particular example might sound extreme, but trust me, it’s not a far stretch from what I hear in my sessions every day. It’s operating in scarcity mode…thinking “I am not this enough or that enough”, so we put all this armor on so we can’t even test our theory. Yet, we have built our lives around these things and the outcome of it that has followed. We create space for our own reality…good and bad.
So my encouragement to you today is to look at your systems and theories, then balance it with the amount of love you have in your life or the love you feel you wished you had…how’s it working for you? Have you constructed your whole life built on unproven theories that have created your reality? Is it the reality you want…are you fully living?
One of my most commonly used phrase is “Love W I D E.” Loving wide to me means being open to loving everyone who crosses your path each day, for whatever reason they serve. It means embracing life and packing in all of the love you can possibly fit into your boundless heart.
That’s the reality I want to create, know and live every day, however many days I’m given here to live it.