How many times are you on auto-pilot at the beginning of an interaction? Do you find yourself starting your conversations with the lady checking you at Panera the same way you would start them with your best friend? Or your child? Or your love?
It usually goes something like this:
“How Are you?”
“Fine, you?”
Or maybe you’re slightly more causal, because you know…you’re cool like that…so maybe it goes something like this instead:
“What’s Up?”
“Nothing much…what are you up to?”
I’m guessing you don’t even hear the answer because you know what it’s going to be anyway. And you already know your reply if you’re asked. This is just white noise, yet we do it time and time again without ever thinking about it.
If you want to really connect with someone, and therefore really love someone by making them feel seen, then step out of the comfort of those same ole questions, make eye contact and try some of the examples below.
“What was the best part of your day?”
“What is one thing you learned today?”
“What made you smile today?”
“What are you grateful for today?”
I have a friend who asks her boys when they get in the car after school, asks “Highs and Lows?”
One thing in regards to questions and dating...its not just asking better questions so you get below the surface and have a real experience, its also about asking questions when you may not like the answers. I have learned through my own dating that because I am easy-going, I have often not asked the questions I need to ask, I've made assumptions about who I was dating or made assumptions about how the question would be perceived or how it would be answered. Sometimes those questions are your gut speaking and you need to listen...even about why you have that question at all. On two occasions this has kept me in relationships that I would have quickly opted out of if I had been willing to ask to the right questions.
I know this is a short and sweet blog post, but its an impactful one. In fact, I recently gave a talk on connectedness and shared about asking these simple, but powerful questions. This was the thing people loved the most and thanked me for after the talk. I encourage you to start implementing them today and see how it changes the interactions you have from the most basic situations to the deepest connections you have.
It usually goes something like this:
“How Are you?”
“Fine, you?”
Or maybe you’re slightly more causal, because you know…you’re cool like that…so maybe it goes something like this instead:
“What’s Up?”
“Nothing much…what are you up to?”
I’m guessing you don’t even hear the answer because you know what it’s going to be anyway. And you already know your reply if you’re asked. This is just white noise, yet we do it time and time again without ever thinking about it.
If you want to really connect with someone, and therefore really love someone by making them feel seen, then step out of the comfort of those same ole questions, make eye contact and try some of the examples below.
“What was the best part of your day?”
“What is one thing you learned today?”
“What made you smile today?”
“What are you grateful for today?”
I have a friend who asks her boys when they get in the car after school, asks “Highs and Lows?”
One thing in regards to questions and dating...its not just asking better questions so you get below the surface and have a real experience, its also about asking questions when you may not like the answers. I have learned through my own dating that because I am easy-going, I have often not asked the questions I need to ask, I've made assumptions about who I was dating or made assumptions about how the question would be perceived or how it would be answered. Sometimes those questions are your gut speaking and you need to listen...even about why you have that question at all. On two occasions this has kept me in relationships that I would have quickly opted out of if I had been willing to ask to the right questions.
I know this is a short and sweet blog post, but its an impactful one. In fact, I recently gave a talk on connectedness and shared about asking these simple, but powerful questions. This was the thing people loved the most and thanked me for after the talk. I encourage you to start implementing them today and see how it changes the interactions you have from the most basic situations to the deepest connections you have.
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