One of the most common complaints I hear from the single people I meet each week is, “Dating is so much work!” While I understand the sentiment, singles would be much happier if they started thinking of that “work” as an investment in themselves and their future partner. The truth is, investment starts on Day 1, or perhaps even Day 0.
To begin with, being the type of person you want to attract starts even before putting intention to find someone out into the universe. Waiting for someone to be dropped on your doorstep pretty much only happens in Hollywood movies and porn flicks. Setting an intention, making a plan, or putting up a dating profile are all actions that you are ready to find love, and you’re also ready to take the time, energy, money and priority to make it happen.
If you’re online dating, writing a good profile is important. If your profile is empty or sparse, and your initial messages are as brief as just a few words or one measly sentence, then you are conveying that you aren’t going to put effort into the rest of the dating ritual.
Planning the first date fairly quickly, talking on the phone or texting, leading up to the first date, and between subsequent dates, all convey that you are serious about finding love again. Maintaining momentum matters.
Paying attention to how you look when meeting someone new is also a good indicator of interest. It’s easy to believe that grown ups would know to wear the nice clothes, fix the hair, brush the teeth and do all the hygiene things, but you would be surprised at the “things” people don’t do, like forget their wallet. Don’t overdo it though and look like you’re going out for New Years Eve, but put your best foot forward to show you are hoping for a special time together.
One of the biggest injustices we have in modern dating, (besides ghosting, hello!), is the quickie first date! Don’t plan or subject yourself to this interview-style-catwalk-approval-rating genre of dating. This practice takes the humanity out of dating and makes us both feel like objects but also makes us consumers instead of lovers.
Another huge component in finding love is showing up....as your authentic self!Restrict yourself from playing dating games, talk about whatever topic comes up organically, try to be open and genuine as possible. A lot of singles struggle with this on early dates and it ends up with the other person feeling like they thought they knew you, only to find out later, once your authentic self does really let their guard down, that you aren’t who they thought they were falling for. Be yourself...chances are there is someone out there who will fall for you, flaws and all.
Finally, if you find yourself lacking the ability to put forth even the simple efforts I mentioned here, evaluate why? Is it fear of rejection? Is it a trust-of-the-opposite-sex issue? Is it a fear of getting hurt again? Or is it that you’re being emotionally lazy? Regardless, figure out what the cause is and then weigh it against your desire to find love. I’d venture to bet that if you look at it objectively, you may realize that your desire for love can overcome the prospect of rejection or getting hurt again.
I, for one, am betting on LOVE...after all, life is about relationships first, and everything else is just everything else.

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Life is often more exciting than fiction and a midlife dating experiences are no exception.  I recently met a man online and we clicked with very little effort in our messages and phone call.  It would be his first post-divorce date and I intended to make it a memorable one.  My car decided to make it even more memorable, for both of us. 

We met at an incredible sushi place where the conversation continued to flow in person, just as it had before.  In fact, I still had a long list of things I wanted to explore about him that I didn’t even get to ask because other topics kept us captivated.  We had a drink after dinner and sat outside until it started raining, before getting in my car and talking (and kissing) 20 minutes more.  I had the key turned, the air and radio on, until they surprisingly turned off on their own. 

I tried to start the car…battery dead. 

To read the rest of the story, click on this sentence....

Even as an experienced dating coach, I can sometimes find myself in a situation. 
Trust me, over the years of being a coach I have heard some crazy stories.  And there’s no greater debate when I host live coed events than over who pays for first dates! 
I’ve met women who went on first dates with men who told them exactly what dollar amount they could order, brought coupons (which I’m all for on subsequent dates), refused to buy coffee, men who’ve been asked how much they make on a first date and more. 
But I hadn’t heard of the forgotten wallet ploy until it happened to me.

To read the full article, click HERE 

Dear Good Guy...
I’ve met a lot of you, well, at least the ones who aren’t hiding away and trying to convince themselves they love the single life after giving up on dating. And I’ve met a lot of the ones you and others would call the “Bad Boys!” You’re resentful (and jealous) of those guys always getting the girl when you know you’re great boyfriend material. I get it.
Listen, it’s not that we think the Bad Boys are better than the Good Guys because we know they aren’t going to be permanent in our lives. The thing is, they understand what we need and want and are willing to risk rejection in hopes of giving it to us. You can do this too without changing your values or faking it until you make it while being genuinely and wonderfully YOU. So step away from the home improvement projects that you’re using to distract you on lonely nights and take the lessons shared here so you can get the girl.
What do the Bad Boys do that you aren’t doing?
1. They Text
No one is a good dater in this day and age (regardless of your age) without making the smartphone your friend. My number one message to men who ask me for advice is to learn to build and maintain momentum with women... this is why texting is your Friend, not your Enemy! The Bad Boys know, no matter how long we’ve known them, that we love that “Good Morning” text... we love hearing you are thinking of us during the day... and we love your “sweet dreams” text as we drift off to sleep! This work for you not only because women love knowing you’re thinking about them, but it keeps YOU at the forefront of their minds, too!
2. They Flirt
The Bad Boys always compliment where they can but never in a fake way. They also know how to tease in a way that makes a girl tease back... and that banter is a huge turn-on. They also know how to give a little sexual innuendo without being sexually overt. In fact, none of the Bad Boys I know have ever sent me a dick pic... the good guys, however, have more times than I can count. The Bad Boys will also open the door for a sexual entendre and then see what the girl does with it. If she plays along, great and if not, he doesn’t push, he just keeps up the rest of the banter until she’s comfortable.
3. They Pursue
The Bad Boys strike while the iron is hot. These are the online guys who are going to ask us out right away... they aren’t going to coyly say we should really meet without immediately asking what day works for us. They don’t listen to the pickup artist guys who say to not show interest or respond to messages quickly... they’re interested and not afraid to show it. Life is too full of great women to play games. The Bad Boys are going to text or call every day without getting discouraged if we can’t meet the day they originally hoped. They are willing to plan and plan ahead and aren’t the last-minute guy unless she says that is all that works on her end. In other words, they don’t give up the chase!
4. They know what they want
They want us... and that doesn’t scare them. They know that with any risk, rejection is possible without being personal, but not asking is already a rejection they created themselves. They aren’t afraid to say what kind of relationship they are interested in or that they are so attracted to you because of your brain, hair, legs or spirit. I find most Good Guys like you, overthink every. damn. thing! Overthinking isn’t sexy. Taking liberties when you want something is! If you read some of the work of Esther Perel, she talks about the man ‘taking’, as an act of aggression, being key to a woman feeling desired. Sure, we want long and slow love-making sometimes, but what we fantasize about more often is you walking in the door and just taking us.
5. They love women
This will come to a great surprise to many of you. It will also surprise you that a lot of the Good Guys have a chip on their shoulder against women. But the Bad Boys simply love women. Now there is a difference between a womanizer (a pickup artist who loves a ‘pump and dump’, insulting women to get them into bed and trying to fill their own insecurities with notches on their bedpost) and a lover of women. A lover of women will never have a “type” because they can find things to appreciate about many different types. This love comes out in the way they treat us, the way they respect us and the way they have sex with us. There is a certain reverence that allows them to walk in their masculinity and us to walk in and be appreciated for our femininity.
And trust me, Good Guys, when we are on dates with you, not only do we wonder about your confidence and self-esteem if you aren’t doing these things, we also wonder about your opinion of women in general. We can feel seething disdain no matter how well you thinking you’re hiding it from us or even, yourself.
So, Good Guys of the world, don’t change your values or what you have to offer once you get into a relationship, but add these tips to your method. Make a mind shift about women and remember you have the advantage of pure motives with an eye on long-term relationships as a prize. Keep at it and I just bet, the amazing women that you are seeking are going to be giddy when they see they have a Good Morning text from you!
Lovingly, 
Single women who want to be chased by Good Guys


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