I was interviewed about my values for my coaching, my style or working with clients and so much more. If you want to know more about all aspects of what I do with clients, check it out here!
Over the past few years, I’ve learned that LOVE means many different things to different people. Thanks to The Five Love Languages, we know people can express love one way while the one we are loving may receive it quite another.
Regardless of the semantics and behavior of love, one thing is sure, it’s the most powerful thing in the Universe. Truly, the joy of loving and being loved by another soul is the essence of all that is good in life. Love is what we all long to embrace and give, even when we get in our own way.
When I answered GMP’s call for submission, (and who isn’t grateful to GMP for giving us so many great articles about loving others,) I began reflecting on this question.
My little boy Andrew immediately came to mind. Andrew was not quite seven years old when he died in 2003 from mitochondrial disease. It’s easy for parents who lose children to heroize or think their child extraordinary, and perhaps on a spiritual level, those that are only here for a short time are indeed, special. But my boy, he was all about the LOVE.
If you’re attempting to date, especially online (because isn’t everyone,) you’re probably throwing your phone down, screaming into your pillow “There just HAS to be a better way!” I used to love online dating—I even created a business around teaching people to do it kindly and authentically. I’ll let you in on a little secret—I don’t love it anymore.
While online dating is just ONE way to meet someone new, it’s not going anywhere, so I’m intentionally seeking to bring humanity back to it the best I can. Online dating has always held a similar feeling to shopping for shoes–the excitement of potentially finding an amazing pair, or in this case–becoming one, keeps us coming back for more. But, now that every app has swiping, we have truly sucked the soul right out of the experience.
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Nearly two months ago, I attended the wedding of one of my former favorite clients. As a dating coach who works mostly with mid-life post-divorcees who were in decades-long marriages, marriage is usually not a priority for them, so this was a special moment.
While I sat in the audience, watching the realization of all Kiel had dreamed and hoped to find come to fruition, I was awestruck by three little words he said. No, it wasn’t THOSE three little words.
It was three other words he whispered quietly to his bride Tiffany.
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When I saw GMP put out a call for submissions on this topic, I realized I know lots of people who go on dates through apps. This is largely because as a dating coach, my clients usually go on 3-5 dates a week once they’re online. They generally are in an exclusive relationship within three months. We know, even though marriage rates are down in general, at least a third of marriages are a result of digital dating.
So, what’s going on with all the other folks who aren’t getting dates? After working with countless singles, here are the top five ways I think they are missing the point:
*You’re lazyThis is the number one reason I find people aren’t having success. I meet people all the time who say, “Dating is SO MUCH WORK!” I think many people believe they will pop on an app, go on one date and find the person they are looking for at the first go. They also sometimes fail to realize that once they get in a relationship, they will have to work at it, too!
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Deb Besinger: Authentic, Relatable and Insightful.