I want to be a conduit of connectedness in all my current relationships and future ones. Think about the last time you met a new friend…I bet it wouldn’t have happened if you both hadn’t had the courage to be open and vulnerable and share until you found that little thing that made a connection. Practicing connectedness will make you a better parent, a better sales rep, a better friend and a better lover.
In coaching, I commonly see people who want to date, who say they want a relationship but who are scared to death to be vulnerable. Guess what happens? They get in their own way and aren’t very successful at finding the person they are looking for. Often they are meeting amazing potential matches all of the time, but are so guarded that they self-sabotaged a potentially amazing thing before it could even get started.
I say it all the time…don’t make a new person you’re with pay for what the last person did wrong!
This is how we become cynical! We end up making vast generalizations about categories of people rather than appreciating, valuing and seeing them as individuals. I commonly hear things like: "All the good guys are taken." "All women are crazy!" "Men only want sex." "Women just want marriage." "All men lie." "All women lie." If we can get past all of those things to actually meet someone and go on a date or two, we judge them at the first site of imperfection...especially if it reminds us of a painful past experience with someone who hurt us. Yet, even in imperfection, we see courage to be vulnerable and when that happens, even the imperfection can be both attractive and a point of connection.
Brene Brown, the vulnerability guru (take 20 minutes and watch this life changing video sometime: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o says this about connection: “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
This is the birthplace of love. We will never get to the place of truly loving someone and being able to receive their complete love, if we can’t authentically connect with them. Loving WIDE and like every day is our last only happens if we are intentional about the practices of connectedness in our daily lives.
Today begins a new blog series on The Practices of Connectedness. Regardless of any relationship goals you have been thinking of for 2015, I challenge you to work on the way you relate…specifically, about being intentional in connectedness. Who’s up for it?